Kale and Hops

Living in Balance

Keeping it Real

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Mt pemi family2

I’ve been thinking a lot about how we perceive others through the lens of social media and how this perception translates into how we feel about ourselves and our lives. Most of what we see as we scroll the pages of Facebook or Instagram are idyllic pictures of our friends and families doing amazing things: taking beautiful beach vacations, winning trophies for various sporting events, crossing the finish line of a marathon/triathlon, etc. And immediately, whether we mean to or not, we compare these amazing, flawless lives to our imperfect ones. We judge ourselves and demean ourselves for not living a more full and perfect life, for failing where others have clearly succeeded. But, what we don’t see is that these pictures tell only part of the story.  That race picture of your friend with the beatific smile as she crossed the finish line, the one where you thought, “man, she makes it look so easy. I could never run, let alone walk, that far.” Maybe she was battling her  inner demons the whole race, finishing on grit alone. Maybe that race really sucked for her, but the smile at the end was one of pure joy at accomplishing what she thought was impossible. Or, that gorgeous sunset beach picture? Maybe that was taken right before your friend’s toddler started throwing an epic tantrum from an exhausting day in the sun.  That doesn’t mean she didn’t have an awesome day at the beach, just a less perfect one than you imagined.  My point is that most experiences are made up of moments of joy mixed with moments of suffering.  There are sacrifices associated with almost all achievements. Lows associated with almost all highs.  When you only see the highlights, you are not seeing the full picture, and thus making conclusions on false advertising!

As a perfect example, the other day I posted some pictures on Facebook of a hike I took with my three kids. One of the photos was of us at the top of the mountain, all smiling in front of a picturesque scene of endless mountains under an impossibly beautiful sky.  I could see how someone viewing this picture might think, “wow, how does she get her kids to hike? Mine would never do that!” Or, “they all look so close and happy.  I wish my kids got along like that.” HA! Let me tell you the true story behind that photo.

 

I woke my kids early with exaggerated enthusiasm and laid on a sappy guilt trip.  “Good morning everyone, we are going on a day trip (groan, groan)!  Look guys, mommy took you  to the ocean a few days ago, and you had an amazing time.  Now, it’s mom’s turn to decide what to do.  We are going for a hike (groan, groan, groan)….pleeeease, pleeeease (through gritted teeth) try to not ruin this day for me.”  Because my kids are good kids and love me, they tried their hardest not to complain as we got ready to go.  And, surprisingly, once in the car, we had a very enjoyable hour ride up to the mountains talking about old scary movies (which apparently, fascinate my kids, though they would never watch them) and what-not.  We stopped for an early lunch, which also went smoothly.  I was on cloud nine! This was exceeding my expectations and giving me cautious hope for the hike ahead. Well, …all good things must come to an end!

 

I had promised the kids an easy 1-mile hike to an amazing vista (and, in my defense, that is how I remembered it from several years back).  It didn’t take long to realize that this trail was steep and was going to be for the duration (and, that one mile turned out to be 1.5, but who’s counting?).  Then the fun began.  My youngest started complaining incessantly almost from the start.”My legs hurt.  Are we almost there? This is hard. Why do we have to do this?”  Etc. Etc.  And, despite my best attempts at pep talks and positive reinforcement, nothing was working.  We were moving at a snail’s pace and I was already losing steam.  After about 20 minutes of my thinly veiled frustration, Anders, my oldest, came to the rescue: “Mom, do you think that if maybe Benjamin doesn’t complain or whine for the rest of the hike, you can take him to Toys R’ Us to use his gift cards after we get home?”  Now, understand, that I am not one to bribe my kids.  In fact, I pride myself on NOT bribing my kids to get them to do what I want, but I was desperate.  We had a long way to go, and I have only a limited reserve of patience.  I was horror-stricken that we were thinking/talking about going to a big box toy store in the middle of a beautiful hike, but I agreed to the deal, despite my distaste for the retailer.  Epic parent fail number one! But, to his credit, Ben stopped complaining and zipped up the trail with renewed vigor.  Believe me, the manipulation in this was not lost on me. Fail, fail, fail!

 

The rest was smooth sailing, right? Nope.  As it turns out, hiking with a hormonal tween has its own set of challenges. My daughter, Emma, who is weeks away from turning twelve, was a mess from the start with no clear, explainable reason why.  She has always had a competitive streak and is very head strong, not to mention, her own worst enemy.  She is not in the best shape right now, and she knows it and doesn’t like it.  The trail, from the start, was very hard for her and she took up the caboose right away.  Emma also has a week-long hiking/camping trip with her class coming up in the first few weeks of school which has been stressing her out. And, did I mention she is susceptible to sudden bouts of hormones that plunge her into an emotional abyss at the snap of a finger?  All this made for a perfect storm during the first 30 minutes of our hike.  She was pissed at herself,  emotional and fighting back tears all while filling her head with self-demeaning chatter.   Again, I tried my best to keep positive and talk her off the proverbial cliff, but what could I do?  I had to give her space and allow her to work it out for herself, which she eventually did, but this was  certainly not the blissful hike I had envisioned! (And, I am not even touching on the number of falls and tears we had scrambling up and down the rocks!)

 

We did eventually make it to the top in good spirits and sat for quite a while in quiet contemplation as we munched on snacks and took photos. And, I was already contemplating this post.  I knew I would post pictures of our adventure, and I knew it would lead to false assumptions about our “perfect” day.  I needed to set the record straight.  But, did all our mishaps and tribulations mean I wish I hadn’t embarked on this adventure? No way! I know as a mother of young kids, it’s part of my job to undertake these journeys as teachable moments that build character and create memories. I know that overall, complaining and whining aside, they enjoyed themselves.  They enjoyed being together as a family and trying something new.  Was it smooth sailing? Nope. Was it worth it? Yes! Did I consider it a perfect day? Actually, yes.  Perfect in that we were together, working through our imperfections together, learning about each other together.  Was I bone tired, both physically and mentally, by the time we got home? Heck, ya!  Will I continue to nudge my kids outside of their comfort zones again even though it’s exhausting for me? You bet!

 

We have all, no doubt, experienced nearly perfect days where all the stars seem to align in our favor, but these days are the exception to the norm.  This does not mean we are not happy and enjoying our lives, just that we are human and perfectly imperfect.  So, next time you are absently scrolling through social media feeling bad about the imperfect life you lead compared to everyone else, remember the definition of perfect is relative and all is never what it seems. You are viewing a very limited snapshot into someone else’s experience.  With the highs almost always come lows.  If only we all had a little more courage to put forth both sides of the story to show others they aren’t alone.  Maybe next time I’ll capture the scowls and bruises in my photo album, along with the smiles.  Because, it’s all about the bumpy journey to the top, not just the photo-op at the final destination.  Happy trails!

Comments

  2. LOVE LOVE LOVE this!! Here’s to keeping it real and staying away from FB every so often to appreciate life and all that comes with it!

    Thanks for posting this Erin!! XO

    Reply

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